Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
i want to swaddle you in tequila
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
