i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
