I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
