dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
