Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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