At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
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