i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
did you just send me my own nude
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
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