i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Randomize
