peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
