i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
