With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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