he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
