Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize