So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize