Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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