He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Randomize
