Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
