That's intense
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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