Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize