we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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