as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
