i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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