I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
