I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
