life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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