nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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