sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
