Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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