I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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