i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Randomize
