My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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