Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Randomize
