In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
What did we do last night that was yellow?
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
