if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
