I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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