dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
