If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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