i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
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