everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
