God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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