Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
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