It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
