u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
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