every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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