If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
