You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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