His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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