I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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