Your face is a jimmy john
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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