I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
