I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
