no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize