I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
