i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize