That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Randomize
