So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
