This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
