Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
