You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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