Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
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