I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
