you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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