I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
