You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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