he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Where is the hickey?
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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