she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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