I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
