I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Never let your siblings swipe right.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
