If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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